Sleep training explained: Why families do it and what you should know

Let’s be honest: sleep training is one of those parenting topics that tends to come with a lot of strong opinions—and a fair bit of guilt. Whether you’re considering sleep training, have already done it, or have decided it’s not for you, it’s easy to feel judged no matter where you land.

But here’s the truth: there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and that absolutely includes how we approach sleep. For many families, sleep training becomes a lifeline—a way to bring more rest, peace, and predictability back into the home. And for others, it’s simply not the right fit. Both are okay.

This blog is here to clear up what sleep training really is (and what it isn’t), why many parents choose to do it, and why no one should ever feel ashamed for wanting to support their baby’s sleep in a way that feels sustainable and loving.

Why parents choose to sleep train

There’s often a misconception that families who sleep train are just desperate for a “full night’s sleep” at the expense of their baby’s well-being. But the real reasons parents choose to sleep train are so much deeper—and more thoughtful—than that.

Here are just a few of the most common reasons families seek out sleep training:

1. They’re exhausted—and it’s affecting their health and well-being.

It’s no secret that the newborn phase comes with sleep deprivation. But when that phase stretches far beyond the first few months, many parents find themselves struggling with physical exhaustion, mental fog, heightened anxiety, or symptoms of depression. At a certain point, it’s not just about being tired—it’s about survival.

Sleep training isn’t about chasing perfection. For many families, it’s about finding a more sustainable rhythm so they can function during the day, care for other children, return to work, or simply feel like themselves again. You can’t parent to the best of your ability if you are constantly at the end of your rope.

2. Their baby is waking multiple times a night and can’t fall back asleep without help.

Many families seek sleep support when their baby begins waking frequently overnight and needing to be fed, rocked, or held back to sleep every time. These constant interruptions often mean no one in the house is getting the rest they need. Sometimes these wakings are quick but other times it can take a lot of time and effort to get the baby back to sleep in the night.

Sleep training helps babies learn to fall asleep (and fall back asleep) on their own—so they’re less likely to wake unnecessarily between sleep cycles.

3. Their baby can’t fall asleep without a parent’s help.

You might find yourself nursing, rocking, or bouncing your baby to sleep for every nap and bedtime—and maybe multiple times overnight too. While that might have worked beautifully in the early months, it can eventually become unsustainable or exhausting. It’s also not unusual for the nursing, rocking, or bouncing to take longer and longer as your baby gets older- in a sense it slowly becomes less effective with age.

Sleep training gives families a way to gently shift this pattern and help their baby learn how to settle independently, while still offering comfort and connection in other ways.

4. Bedtime is a battle every single night.

When bedtime becomes a nightly struggle filled with tears (from baby and parents), it’s often a sign that something isn’t working. Sleep training can help take the mystery out of bedtime by creating predictable routines, clearer expectations, and calmer transitions.

Many parents are already fighting to get their baby to sleep and there are lots of tears involved even as the parents actively help their little one to sleep. By choosing to sleep train, you can take all those tears and frustration each night and put them towards progress instead of just sticking with the status quo.

5. Parents are returning to work and need a consistent routine.

Many families pursue sleep training when a parent is about to return to work and needs more consistent sleep—for both themselves and their baby. Having a more predictable nap and bedtime routine makes a big difference in managing those early days back at work.

6. They know that sleep is essential for growth and development.

Sleep isn’t just a luxury—it’s a biological need. Babies need good sleep for physical growth, brain development, emotional regulation, and immune health. Parents who choose sleep training aren’t ignoring their child’s needs—they’re actually trying to support them.

What sleep training is

Let’s set the record straight: sleep training is simply teaching your baby how to fall asleep on their own. That’s it.

It doesn’t have to involve harsh methods or long stretches of crying. In fact, many sleep training approaches are gentle, responsive, and tailored to your baby’s age, temperament, and your parenting style.

Sleep training includes:

• Age-appropriate routines: Building predictable patterns around naps and bedtime so your baby knows what to expect.
  

• Sleep environment changes: Making the sleep space dark, calm, and free of distractions.
  

• Consistent responses: Responding to your baby in a consistent way when they wake up so they can build trust and understanding.
  

• Teaching self-soothing skills: Supporting your baby as they learn how to fall asleep independently, without relying on external sleep associations like feeding, rocking, or holding.
  

• Gradual progress: Many methods use a slow and supportive approach that allows both baby and parents to ease into the process at a comfortable pace.
  

Sleep training is not about ignoring your baby. It’s about empowering them to develop an essential skill, while you stay nearby to offer reassurance and support along the way.

What sleep training is not

Sleep training is often misunderstood, and sadly, those misconceptions can make parents feel guilt or shame for even considering it. Let’s clear those up right now:

Sleep training is not leaving your baby to cry alone for hours.

No responsible sleep training method will recommend you ignore your child’s needs. While some crying may happen (because change is hard), many methods involve checking in frequently, staying present in the room, soothing your baby in small ways, and responding to their cues.

Crying is a form of communication—not a sign that your baby is being harmed or traumatized. With a supportive plan in place, your baby can learn to sleep more independently while still knowing you’re there when they need you.

Sleep training is not neglect.

Choosing to help your child develop healthy sleep skills is an act of love. Being tired, overwhelmed, or unable to keep up with constant night wakings doesn’t make you a bad parent. Sleep training is one way to support both your child’s development and your own well-being.

Sleep training is not one-size-fits-all.

There are many different sleep training methods—from very gentle to more structured approaches. The best method is the one that feels right for your baby’s temperament and your parenting style. If you ever feel unsure, working with a certified sleep consultant (like me!) can help create a plan that’s customized to your family.

Sleep training is not the only way to help your baby sleep.

Some families never formally sleep train—and their kids sleep just fine! Others find themselves needing help months or years down the road. There’s no one right way to support your child’s sleep. Sleep training is simply a tool, not a requirement.

Every family deserves sleep

Here’s the most important thing to remember: you’re allowed to want sleep.

You’re allowed to feel exhausted. You’re allowed to crave routine. You’re allowed to admit that what used to work no longer does.

There are no “bad habits” if something is working for your family. But if you’re finding that your current routine isn’t sustainable, it’s okay to make a change. And it’s okay to ask for help.

Sleep training isn’t about making your baby’s sleep perfect. It’s about helping everyone in your family rest better so you can enjoy your days more fully. When parents are rested, they’re more patient, more present, and better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life with littles.

You don’t have to wait until you’re at your breaking point. If sleep is a daily challenge, there are supportive, loving, and evidence-backed solutions available.

Final thoughts

Sleep training can be a beautiful turning point in your family’s journey—not because it “fixes” your baby, but because it gives you both the tools and space to thrive.

It’s not cruel. It’s not neglect. And it’s not the same for every family. But when done with care, intention, and a little support, sleep training can be life-changing.

If you’re feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or just need a little help figuring out what your next steps should be, you don’t have to go it alone. My sleep support packages are tailored to your child’s needs and your family’s goals. Book your free 15 minute call today to learn how we can create a personalized sleep plan just for you: